For My Daughter -- I Promise

As I write this, you have been home for one week. One week! So much has changed for your mom and me in such a short time but I'll talk about that some other time. Today I want to write you something I've essentially been writing since the day your mom told me you were coming.

Before you ever even consider having children of your own, you will learn what we all learn from somewhere--that the job of a mom and a dad is to provide for and protect their children. That means we provide food, shelter, clothing, and a loving, safe place to go when times are tough.

If you are reading this, then I have done at least a passable job of providing those things to you. My hope is that I have lived up to the promise I am about to make to you now. I cannot give you many things, Gabi. I don't have special skills or talents that I can pass down to you. But as your dad, there are things that only I can teach you. I promise to teach you these things to the best of my ability. Hopefully, they will help you become the best person you can possibly be.

I will teach you work ethic. I will never claim to be the hardest working man ever. In fact, I can be very lazy (just ask your Nona and Grandpa Jeff). What I can claim, and what I will teach you, is that when you say you will do something, you do it. I will teach you that whatever you do, whether it be your chores, your schoolwork, your hobbies, or your job, you always try your very best even if you are doing something you do not want to do. I will teach you that we do not do this for thanks or recognition. We do it because it is the right thing to do.

I will teach you toughness. I have never been a "tough guy." I can count on my hands the number of real fights I have been in in my life, but toughness is not something you can only learn by getting into fights. Of all the things that helped me develop toughness, the most challenging--and the most valuable--were mental and emotional hardships. As much as I wish it would not happen to you, you may be tested physically throughout your life. You WILL be tested mentally and emotionally and mental toughness is a trait that will help through any test you will ever face. I will teach you how to overcome your trials and turn them into experiences that will harden and toughen you for the future.

I will teach you patience. It is a trait that your mom will freely admit she does not have. She will tell you that I do. You are growing up in an era of instant gratification. Most of the time, if we want something, we can have it almost immediately. That is a wonderful thing in a lot of cases but it has also taught us to be less patient as individuals and as a community. I will teach you the value of patience. I will show you that sometimes slowing down allows you to make better decisions. I will show you how to take your time and let things play out before reacting. I will teach you to stay calm in stressful situations. You will be surprised how much the people around you will appreciate you for your patience.

I will teach you humility. There is an old saying, (it'll be REALLY old by the time you read this) that no matter how good you are at something, there's always someone better at it than you. At times in your life, people will see that you are good at certain things. Maybe you will be the fastest runner or the best speller in your class. Maybe you will win an award for academic excellence or you'll be best video game player in your group of friends. You must always remember that even if you are better at something, there is always someone out there that is better at it than you are. No matter what, I will teach you how to accept praise with class and how to win with grace.

I will teach you to value winning and success. In the world you were born into, this is not a very popular attitude to have. It seems everyone says they love a winner and that they support a successful person, but a certain segment of society only believes this if the winner is them and they are the ones having the success. Otherwise, that segment of society is much more in favor of everyone being the same with no one standing out. I will teach you to respect winners and successful people and not to be satisfied with losing or failure. My intention is not to turn you into a snob, but to teach you to strive for excellence and not be satisfied with second best if second best is not the best you can be. The best way to improve is to look to the people who are better than you for the blueprint. I will teach you that the words "winner" and "loser" are not dirty words. They are merely a way for us to identify ourselves and I will teach you that just because you fall into one group does not mean you will never find yourself in the other.

I will teach you the importance of family. As you grow up in our home, you will learn that we talk a lot about family. I think it may be one of the most powerful words in the English language. Your family is me and your mom, but it's actually so much more than that. Your family is also your grandparents and your aunts and uncles and all your cousins. All of these people love you very much even though as I write this, most of them have not met you yet. As you get older, you will meet lots of people and make many friends. If you're lucky, some of those people will be so important to you that you call them family as well. I will teach you that family is more than sharing the same blood. Family is the very special group of people that you can count on pick you up and dust you off after tough times. They are the select few that love you, support you, and respect you, even at your lowest points. I will teach you to hang onto these people as tight as you can.

I will teach you to be proud of where you come from. You do not come from a wealthy background, my dear. You will grow up around many, many people that have much more material wealth than your two public servant parents could ever provide for you. But you will also grow up around people that have so much less than you have ever had to imagine. People from more affluent backgrounds may look down on you. People with less than you may resent you for your perceived wealth. I will teach you to be proud of the fact that you were born lucky enough not to have to worry about food, shelter, clothes, and other basic necessities. I will teach you not to apologize for having nice things, for being smart, or athletic, or for being pretty. I will teach you not to be ashamed of the fact that you have to work for the things you get. I will teach you not to shy away from the fact that you come from a long line of very hard workers--which I'll tell you about another time.

I will teach you about unconditional love and friendship. You will find out that people, including you, are not perfect. We are all flawed and sometimes those flaws make us do stupid things. Some people will hurt you, intentionally or otherwise, with their words or their actions. I will teach you that despite all of that, there are still people that are worth your time, your friendship, and your love. I will teach you that those things are gifts that God gives each of us to give to others and that the only way to give them is with all your heart. It will be difficult for you, especially after you experience hurt or betrayal or heartbreak. You will certainly want to put up walls or to protect yourself from letting those terrible things happen again. But believe me when I tell you that when you find the right person to love, or those friends that you can't imagine living without, all the hurt and heartbreak is worth it. And the only way to find those things is to love unconditionally.

I will teach you to never let your gender, race, or anything else ever get in your way. Unfortunately sweetheart, you come into the world at a disadvantage. As a female and as a female of mixed race, some people will automatically assume things about you that may or may not be true. People may treat you differently because of who and what you are. These things can be frustrating, and you may be tempted to give in when things get difficult. I will teach you to never let any of your disadvantages, perceived or otherwise, stop you from doing anything you ever want to do. You are stronger than you know and you can accomplish anything you put your mind to. I will teach you to embrace the things that make you unique and use the haters you encounter as motivation to make yourself better, overcome the obstacles, and accomplish your goals.

I will teach you to love life. Now that you are born, I look forward to showing you the world around you. This is an awesome, exciting place and you are growing up at a time where so much more of it is available to you than even when I was your age. I look forward to watching you learn, explore, and discover. I look forward to experiencing all sorts of new and fun things with you and I will teach you to live life to the fullest--whatever your definition of fullest may be. I will teach you to enjoy every day and to be grateful for your existence. Life is good, Gabi, and I plan to show you just how good it is.

I will teach you all of these things and so much more. God blessed me and your mom with you a week ago and I am honored and so very happy to be your dad. I promise to always be there for you, not only to teach you, but to learn from you and love you and protect you.

Welcome to the world, my little love.  We're so glad to have you.

 

Challege Day 7 - Toy Story

I thought for a long time about this entry because I was lucky enough to have lots of toys growing up. Because of that, I couldn't immediately come up with a favorite. (I know....hell of a problem to have, right?)

Here are some that stand out, in no particular order.

1. Transformers - The coolest thing about these toys, (aside from the fact that you were actually getting TWO toys--a robot and a vehicle of some kind--is that when I was growing up, they were made of the heavy die-cast metal instead of the plastic stuff they are made of today. My favorite of all time was the Decepticon Soundwave

He transformed into a boombox and came with two cassette tapes, Ravage and Laserbeak, who themselves transformed into the animals seen above. Decades later, the Transformers movie came out and I went and saw it twice within a week. Disappointingly, Soundwave was changed for the movie and only featured sparingly.


2. Apple IIe computer -

This was the first computer we ever owned. As you might guess, this is the thing that sparked my love for computers in general. I could even go so far as to say that without the Apple IIe, I would never have gone on to a PC of my own in the future, meaning I might never have gone on to meet my wife online more than a decade later. Admittedly, I never really used this computer to its fullest potential, but I did spend hours playing Dark Tower (which I have even tried to find online, to no avail) and Oregon Trail. One of my saddest days with this bad boy was the day my Spy Hunter floppy disk was damaged and rendered useless.

3. Nintendo/Game Boy/Super Nintendo - I don't remember exactly when I got my Nintendo, but I will never forget the story behind it. I had begged my mom for it forever. My cousins all had it. My friends all had it. I wanted it bad, but she would not budge.





Then, all the sudden one birthday, there it was. As I tore the wrapping paper off and realized what it was, I went from shock to excitement...and then I began to wonder what changed her mind. She told me that my aunt and my grandparents finally talked her into it, saying my grades were good and I was generally a good kid. Had I known, I would have used that arguement myself rather than begging!

Years after the Nintendo, the Game Boy and Super Nintendo came out and I had equally as much fun with them as I did my Nintendo, but nothing ever beat that feeling of powering on that console for the very first time.

4. Cap guns - Our overprotective, politically correct society would probably frown on such a toy these days (I'd bet they're impossible to find now!) but we had so many hours of fun with cap guns!

Mine was bright orange and yellow...never as realistic as the one shown above, but that didn't stop us from having a blast. Pull the trigger and you'd get a small pop, similar to those New Year's Eve party favors. Many a fun afternoon running around the yard (and the neighbor's) pretending to be cops and robbers or secret agents, or soldiers. but we wasted so much money buying those little red ammo rings it's ridiculous.

5. Nerf Turbo football -

We had always played with foam footballs growing up, but when the Nerf Turbo came out, we all swore it was the most revolutionary toy ever to be released. The picture above is not good, but you get the gist....It was a cool looking orange and black with grooves cut in it to make it more aerodynamic than a normal football--and easier to throw a professional-looking spiral with. A later version included a plastic insert in the center that made the ball whistle as it flew, so you would REALLY think you were throwing hard! It made it difficult to catch though, so I never liked it as much as the original. Almost all the street football games of my childhood were played with this baby and it might be the best toy I ever owned.

 As adults, we move onto more expensive toys, but in a lot of ways nothing ever lives up to the jewels from our childhood.  I'll leave it to you to decide if thats cool or sad.

 

Until next time...

Challenge Day 6 - The Water Bearer

It should come as no surprise to most of you that I've never given much thought to astrology.  Come to think of it, do any of us know anyone that actually follows and/or believes in astrology?  Not that I'm shit-talking an entire belief system.  I just don't think many people actually think the stuff is real. 

But then, the horoscopes are in every newspaper in America, so it's got to have some kind of audience.

Anyway, I digress.

Today's task was to write about whether or not I think my zodiac sign fits my personality.  What little I know about Aquarians is that they are considered visionaries...dreamers...idealists.  Clearly, that's not good enough for me, so I went in search of a better picture of what it is to be an Aquarius.  I ended up here but the write-up was way too long and New Age-y for me, so I quickly moved on. 

I found this site, which seemed simpler to me, so I decided to go with it as the basis of this discussion.  What I discovered (and yes, this may be considered a cop-out) is that some of the description fits, and some of it is way off.

See for yourself:

"One of the standout characteristics of those born under the Sun Sign of Aquarius is their unwillingness to follow the beaten track. With advancement and progress on their minds, there can be an irreverence to old and outdated ways of thinking and doing things." 

The first part of this is quite inaccurate.  I have never been one to do things differently or go a different direction just because everyone else is going one way.  I DO value innovation though and if something is outdated, I'm definitely going to push for a new way, as long as it makes logical sense.

"Many Aquarians aim to free themselves of personal and social conditioning. Although open to change in theory, Aquarians can be surprisingly stubborn. Their idealism runs strong, but they can be very fixed in their opinions."
 

When I initially typed my response here, I wrote that this part is pretty wrong, but as I read it a few more times, I suppose I have to disagree.  My wife will tell you that I am stubborn (though I don't think I am), but I have no problem admitting that I am very "fixed in my opinions."  I just believe that the opinions that matter have been formed by a great deal of thought and education...and that I am open to changing those opinions if I have new information.  As for being an idealist, I'm pretty much the opposite of that.  I much prefer to deal with what is real rather than what should be.

"Often a bit aloof and even standoffish, Aquarians nonetheless are usually well-liked. They are curious and observant, and tolerant in a broad sense. Prejudice and bias is offensive to the typical Aquarius."
 

Right on the money here.  I don't know about aloof, but I have definitely been accused of minimizing issues rather than taking them for what they are.  And depending on who you ask, I can be standoffish to the point of being intimidating (again, I don't see it).  Curious and observant?  That's me.  Strong distaste for prejudice and bias?  Me again.  I am extremely concerned with accuracy (as you probably know if you've read any of my writing) and that distaste is probably why I got into journalism.

"Aquarians are generally very clever, witty, and intellectual. They value progress and frankness. It's difficult to throw Aquarians for a loop—they're generally on top of things."
 

I definitely value frankness.  I see much more value in being straightforward than in any other approach.  I also like to think I am on top of things to the point that I can adapt without being caught too off guard.  Clever, witty, and intellectual?  I suppose you who know me would be in a better position to answer that.

"There is a bit of reformer in Aquarius. They'll try to get you to see through superficiality, and encourage you to be open and forthright. 'Be true to yourself' and 'Don't follow the crowd' are mottos we easily associate with this sign."
 

Incorrect here in that I wouldn't call this tendency being a reformer.  I prefer to think of it as being a realist.  You cannot get to the truth or make the right decision if you're lying to youself or pretending you're something you're not.

"Aquarians need space and value personal freedom. Any attempt to box them in will likely fail. They'll happily return the favor; and they will treat people from all walks of life as equals. Equality and fairness are hallmarks of the sign. If you're quirky and "different", all the better."
 

Mostly correct, though I wouldn't say I am one that needs space.  I just happen to have had a lot of it in my life, so I am comfortable in it....though I would NEVER consider myself a loner or the restless type.  I also would never say that I seek out or am most comfortable with quirky or different people.  I enjoy people with whom I have some things in common and who are comfortable being themselves.  I try to treat everyone the same, and ask that others treat me as they would anyone else.  No rocket science there, right?


So, like I said, I think my sign fits in some aspects but is way off in others.  I'll leave the final decision on that to you though.

Until next time...

Challenge Day 5 - Food!

I've always found it laughable that because I'm a skinny guy, people scoff when I tell them I love food.  It's true though.  I love to eat and I love to eat a lot...so writing about my favorite comfort foods is a breeze.

We watch a lot of Food Network in my house, and "comfort food" is a phrase that professional chefs and TV personalities love to throw around a lot.  Until now, I've never thought much about what comfort food actually is.  I always assumed it's exactly what it sounds like--food that brings you comfort or makes you feel good when you're sad.

Always a stickler for accuracy though, I looked it up just to be sure, and it seems there's an element of  nostalgia attached to comfort food too.  Anything you eat that transports you back to your past, or to a happy time in your life is considered comfort food.

(I realize everyone but me probably already understands this, but whatever.)

With both aspects of the definition in mind, here are a few of my favorite comfort foods, in no particular order as always.

1. Arroz con leche - Literally translated, it means rice with milk...and it's not much more complicated than that.  It's usually made with sweetened condensed milk and cinnamon.  More complicated recipes can include lemon zest or cloves, but I don't recall any of that being in the version my grandmother made.  I haven't had a bowl of it in years...decades probably...but it's one of my favorite Saturday/Sunday morning meals as a kid and something I have always thought I should ask her to show me how to make myself.

2. Strawberry milkshakes - Over the years, I have come to see myself as something of a milkshake connoisseur, but my love affair with them began in early childhood when my grandfather would take me to McDonald's.  I'd get a Happy Meal and he'd get two cheeseburgers and a strawberry milkshake.  Of course, he'd never finish it, which meant I got to.  To this day, I can't have a strawberry milkshake without thinking of all time I spent with him growing up.

3.  Homemade flour tortillas - Not that I'm going for a theme here, but homemade flour tortillas always make me think of all the Saturday and Sunday mornings I spent with my grandparents.  I would often wake up to the sound of my grandfather's metal rolling pin clinking against the wooden cutting board as he methodically rolled out his tortillas.  The radio played music from the local Spanish radio station and I just knew breakfast was going to be awesome!  He made a stack of them that never seemed to end, even though I did my best to eat my way to the bottom of it until he made me stop so other people could have some.

4.  My wife's lasagna - Like I said, some things are on my list because of the nostalgic connection I have with them, and some are on my list because they just taste good.  Marci's lasagna is one of the latter.  It takes a relatively long time to make, which just serves to heighten my anticipation every time she makes it, but it's absolutely worth it.  We don't have it as often these days because we are eating healthier (and this lasagna is most assuredly not healthy), but it's still one of my favorites.

5.  My Tia Sandra's cookies - Along with tamales, this is the food I miss most when I don't travel home for Christmas.  She usually makes a couple trays full of giant, soft cookies (chocolate chip, peanut butter and oatmeal raisin) and it's usually nowhere near enough.  Everyone in the family has their favorite (I'm partial to the oatmeal) and there's usually a fight over how they get divvied up.  They are that good.

Now that I've possibly made you all hungry, I'll wrap this up and leave you to go find some of your favorite comfort foods to fill your stomach.

Until next time...

Challenge Day 4 - Religion

I've been writing for my entire life and there isn't much I've never written about.  I really think religion is one of the things on that list.  I don't think it's something I've intentionally avoided, but like my Facebook profile says--it's complicated.  It's not complicated necessarily because my views are complicated, but because religion itself is so complicated and I couldn't possibly cover all of my thoughts on it in one blog...so consider this a Cliff's Notes version.

I was raised Catholic, which is to say I attended a Catholic church whenever we happened to go to church.  Most of the time, that happened when I was with one of my aunts or my grandmother.  I completed four of the seven Holy Sacraments and even attended Catholic school for a year in the 3rd grade.  I always found it interesting how involved I was in the church as a kid, given the fact that my mom swore it off after she got a divorce when I was three or four.

The whole thing was never really a big deal to me.  I never felt particularly defined by my religion and as I got older, whatever connection I had to the church just kind of naturally faded away.  I've always believed in God, but I've never felt like my belief was rooted specifically in the Catholic interpretation.

I believe heaven is a place much like Cowboys Stadium.  If you are Mother Teresa, Gandhi, or Martin Luther King Jr., you've got the 50-yard line seats and the field passes and the autograph and photo session with God.  If you're a normal dude like me, whose made some mistakes in life but has never really hurt anyone and tries hard to be the best person he can be, you might not have the best seats in the house, but there's that giant TV screen so you can still see and hear everything God has to say....You're in the building and no matter where you're sitting, it's a pretty damn awesome place to spend the rest of eternity.

I believe hell is a place reserved only for the truly evil and dispicable among us....and I believe that whatever you have done to end up there is done to you for eternity.

I have been to many different churches in my life and I've noticed they have one thing in common.  They are as my wife says--wonderful places for those who find what they need there but because  they are filled with humans, they are imperfect places.  Personally, I have learned and come to believe more about the existence of God outside of a church than I ever have inside one.

That's another blog all by itself, so I'll forgo the examples.  I suppose the bottom line when it comes to my views on religion is is best summed up by Dan Brown's protagonist Robert Langdon in Angels & Demons, who said, "My mind tells me I will never fully understand God.  My heart tells me that I'm not meant to." 

Knowing this, I take comfort in my belief that God really did make us in His own image...meaning our human flaws, our thoughts and desires, are all things God wanted us to have. People, no matter what religion they are, seem to believe that there is a standard of perfection we have to strive for in order to please our God...and I believe we largely do it all for nothing. 

When we get to heaven, I believe the first thing God will tell us is, "You were trying way too hard."

Sounds like my kind of guy.

Until next time...

Challenge Day 3 - 5 Things I Hate

It's funny....when I sat down to write this blog, I figured it would be a breeze.  Anyone who knows me knows that I certainly have no problem talking about all the things that piss me off.

I suppose that's the problem.

For a guy as full of hate as I am, narrowing down my top pet peeves to a list of five is quite a task.  I thought about this for a while and eventually came to the pretty startling conclusion that most of the things I hate involve other people.  I began to wonder if I was screwed up somehow--like maybe if I hated other people so much, maybe I was the problem.  Then I went to http://www.getannoyed.com/ just to see a list of pet peeves.  Maybe I had the wrong idea of what a pet peeve is.  I just wanted to be sure.

Imagine my relief when I read a few dozen peeves from the Get Annoyed list and found that almost every one of them has something to do with other human beings.  Turns out I'm not abnormal after all.

Here then, are five of my most often noticed pet peeves, in no particular order:

1. People who do not know proper elevator procedure - It's very simple.  When waiting on the elevator, press the button and take a step to the side.  When the door opens, pause.  It's not all about you.  There may actually be people getting off the elevator.  Rushing onto the thing like there's money on it or standing right in front of the door as it opens makes you a jerk.  And no, saying sorry when you almost plow into me doesn't make it better.

2.  People who use "brutally honest" to excuse the fact that they're assholes -  I don't remember where I heard it, but there's a saying that goes, "You can teach a bear to ride a motorcycle, but that doesn't mean you should."  I pride myself on being very direct and honest.  The difference between me and the people I hate is something called tact.  Just because I THINK you are making a dumb decision doesn't mean I have to share that opinion.  If I do share it, it doesn't have to be in a place that might cause you unneeded embarrassment or discomfort.  I can be respectful and honest at the same time.  If I choose otherwise, I'm an asshole.

3. People who SAY they hate drama, but always seem to find themselves in the middle of it - We all know people like this.  If you don't, it might be you.  They are the people who insist they can't stand drama, but somehow are always in the middle of one crisis or another and, like an addict, they swear that this time is the last time.  This is the final straw...until the next time.  There is a related group of people who always feel like things are being done TO them...that the universe somehow has it out for them and that they have no control over anything.  This type of attention-seeking, "woe is me" attitude bothers me to no end.

4.  People who text or talk on their phones incessantly while driving - I do not include people who use hands-free devices in this group (because those are harder to notice in traffic) and while I have been known to take an occasional call while behind the wheel, I can probably count those instances over the last year on one hand.  I don't even think of this as a safety issue as much as a courtesy issue.  Whether you want to believe it or not, your attention is divided when you are on the phone and driving.  When you are going 20 miles below the speed limit on the highway or swerving in your lane, or sitting at a green light because you just HAVE to use that cellphone RIGHT THIS MOMENT, I talk shit about you and I think you are an inconsiderate bastard.

5.  People who are a) not good at their jobs OR b) good at their jobs but lazy in doing them - I do not care if you are a CEO, a teacher, or a burger flipper at McDonald's.  I believe that if someone is paying you for your services, you should come to work every day and perform to the best of your ability.  If your ability is subpar, you should either a) work your ass off to get better or b) find a line of work that you CAN be good at.  I believe that if your ability is on the level, you should work hard while you are on the clock.  Being good at something doesn't mean a hell of a lot if your effort is poor.  The number of people I interact with daily who apparently disagree with me on this one is appalling. 

So there you have it....Five things that really irk me...I'd be lying if I said this wasn't at least a little therapeutic. 

See ya for Day 4!

Challenge Day 2 - 2023

In the year 2023, we'll have flying cars and we'll have people living on the moon and we'll have the food replicators from Star Trek and it will be awesome!

Ok, not really, but wasn't it entertaining when we had to answer the question, "What will the world look like in 10 years?" as kids?

As adults, we never really stop asking ourselves that question.  Maybe we just narrow our scope a bit.  The only sure thing about the world these days is that it changes pretty drastically in a relatively short period of time.  There's really no telling what it will look like in 10 years.  Where would I like to be in 10 years?  Most of us can tackle that question with much more ease.

The short answer for me is, I don't aspire to be in much of a different place than I am right now.  Sure, overall I hope that some things will be different, but when I look at the big picture, I really hope that in 10 years, not much has changed.

Professionally, my job is not the most awesome thing in the world, but to quote the great Red Forman from That 70's Show: "That's why they call it work.  If it wasn't supposed to be work, they'd call it, 'Super Happy Fun Time'"  The fact is, the work is easy and by and large, I work with some cool people.  Even though most people think I'm crazy, I don't dread going to work every day, even if I don't look forward to it.  In 10 years,  I hope to still be going strong there.  Hopefully, I'm making a little more money, but other than that I can't complain too much.

Personally, I couldn't be happier.  I had always dreamed of owning my own home and I realized that dream several years ago.  I have a beautiful, wonderful wife, great friends, an awesome family.  I've already got more than I ever hoped for. 

For me, it's just about the details now.  I hope in 10 years my wife and I have added a dog to the mix.  I think I could really get into the training part of owning a dog and I look forward to it.  I hope we've traveled to some places we've got on our short list, and maybe hit the lottery so we can keep doing it!  I'd like to be in better shape at 44 that I am now, and perhaps better than I was at 24.  I hope my parents are happy and healthy.

I don't have any doubt that all those things will come to be, but I'm in no big hurry.  The future is bright, but the present is pretty damn good too.