Before you ever even consider having children of your own, you will learn what we all learn from somewhere--that the job of a mom and a dad is to provide for and protect their children. That means we provide food, shelter, clothing, and a loving, safe place to go when times are tough.
If you are reading this, then I have done at least a passable job of providing those things to you. My hope is that I have lived up to the promise I am about to make to you now. I cannot give you many things, Gabi. I don't have special skills or talents that I can pass down to you. But as your dad, there are things that only I can teach you. I promise to teach you these things to the best of my ability. Hopefully, they will help you become the best person you can possibly be.
I will teach you work ethic. I will never claim to be the hardest working man ever. In fact, I can be very lazy (just ask your Nona and Grandpa Jeff). What I can claim, and what I will teach you, is that when you say you will do something, you do it. I will teach you that whatever you do, whether it be your chores, your schoolwork, your hobbies, or your job, you always try your very best even if you are doing something you do not want to do. I will teach you that we do not do this for thanks or recognition. We do it because it is the right thing to do.
I will teach you toughness. I have never been a "tough guy." I can count on my hands the number of real fights I have been in in my life, but toughness is not something you can only learn by getting into fights. Of all the things that helped me develop toughness, the most challenging--and the most valuable--were mental and emotional hardships. As much as I wish it would not happen to you, you may be tested physically throughout your life. You WILL be tested mentally and emotionally and mental toughness is a trait that will help through any test you will ever face. I will teach you how to overcome your trials and turn them into experiences that will harden and toughen you for the future.
I will teach you patience. It is a trait that your mom will freely admit she does not have. She will tell you that I do. You are growing up in an era of instant gratification. Most of the time, if we want something, we can have it almost immediately. That is a wonderful thing in a lot of cases but it has also taught us to be less patient as individuals and as a community. I will teach you the value of patience. I will show you that sometimes slowing down allows you to make better decisions. I will show you how to take your time and let things play out before reacting. I will teach you to stay calm in stressful situations. You will be surprised how much the people around you will appreciate you for your patience.
I will teach you humility. There is an old saying, (it'll be REALLY old by the time you read this) that no matter how good you are at something, there's always someone better at it than you. At times in your life, people will see that you are good at certain things. Maybe you will be the fastest runner or the best speller in your class. Maybe you will win an award for academic excellence or you'll be best video game player in your group of friends. You must always remember that even if you are better at something, there is always someone out there that is better at it than you are. No matter what, I will teach you how to accept praise with class and how to win with grace.
I will teach you to value winning and success. In the world you were born into, this is not a very popular attitude to have. It seems everyone says they love a winner and that they support a successful person, but a certain segment of society only believes this if the winner is them and they are the ones having the success. Otherwise, that segment of society is much more in favor of everyone being the same with no one standing out. I will teach you to respect winners and successful people and not to be satisfied with losing or failure. My intention is not to turn you into a snob, but to teach you to strive for excellence and not be satisfied with second best if second best is not the best you can be. The best way to improve is to look to the people who are better than you for the blueprint. I will teach you that the words "winner" and "loser" are not dirty words. They are merely a way for us to identify ourselves and I will teach you that just because you fall into one group does not mean you will never find yourself in the other.
I will teach you the importance of family. As you grow up in our home, you will learn that we talk a lot about family. I think it may be one of the most powerful words in the English language. Your family is me and your mom, but it's actually so much more than that. Your family is also your grandparents and your aunts and uncles and all your cousins. All of these people love you very much even though as I write this, most of them have not met you yet. As you get older, you will meet lots of people and make many friends. If you're lucky, some of those people will be so important to you that you call them family as well. I will teach you that family is more than sharing the same blood. Family is the very special group of people that you can count on pick you up and dust you off after tough times. They are the select few that love you, support you, and respect you, even at your lowest points. I will teach you to hang onto these people as tight as you can.
I will teach you to be proud of where you come from. You do not come from a wealthy background, my dear. You will grow up around many, many people that have much more material wealth than your two public servant parents could ever provide for you. But you will also grow up around people that have so much less than you have ever had to imagine. People from more affluent backgrounds may look down on you. People with less than you may resent you for your perceived wealth. I will teach you to be proud of the fact that you were born lucky enough not to have to worry about food, shelter, clothes, and other basic necessities. I will teach you not to apologize for having nice things, for being smart, or athletic, or for being pretty. I will teach you not to be ashamed of the fact that you have to work for the things you get. I will teach you not to shy away from the fact that you come from a long line of very hard workers--which I'll tell you about another time.
I will teach you about unconditional love and friendship. You will find out that people, including you, are not perfect. We are all flawed and sometimes those flaws make us do stupid things. Some people will hurt you, intentionally or otherwise, with their words or their actions. I will teach you that despite all of that, there are still people that are worth your time, your friendship, and your love. I will teach you that those things are gifts that God gives each of us to give to others and that the only way to give them is with all your heart. It will be difficult for you, especially after you experience hurt or betrayal or heartbreak. You will certainly want to put up walls or to protect yourself from letting those terrible things happen again. But believe me when I tell you that when you find the right person to love, or those friends that you can't imagine living without, all the hurt and heartbreak is worth it. And the only way to find those things is to love unconditionally.
I will teach you to never let your gender, race, or anything else ever get in your way. Unfortunately sweetheart, you come into the world at a disadvantage. As a female and as a female of mixed race, some people will automatically assume things about you that may or may not be true. People may treat you differently because of who and what you are. These things can be frustrating, and you may be tempted to give in when things get difficult. I will teach you to never let any of your disadvantages, perceived or otherwise, stop you from doing anything you ever want to do. You are stronger than you know and you can accomplish anything you put your mind to. I will teach you to embrace the things that make you unique and use the haters you encounter as motivation to make yourself better, overcome the obstacles, and accomplish your goals.
I will teach you to love life. Now that you are born, I look forward to showing you the world around you. This is an awesome, exciting place and you are growing up at a time where so much more of it is available to you than even when I was your age. I look forward to watching you learn, explore, and discover. I look forward to experiencing all sorts of new and fun things with you and I will teach you to live life to the fullest--whatever your definition of fullest may be. I will teach you to enjoy every day and to be grateful for your existence. Life is good, Gabi, and I plan to show you just how good it is.
I will teach you all of these things and so much more. God blessed me and your mom with you a week ago and I am honored and so very happy to be your dad. I promise to always be there for you, not only to teach you, but to learn from you and love you and protect you.
Welcome to the world, my little love. We're so glad to have you.
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